start..... [03 Dec 2002|11:36pm]
my first journal entry...today was alright.I dissected a crab in marine bio today,which i thought was cool. feels weird knowing that you have lungs and a heart and all that stuff too....i mean like i know we have them its just realizing that just beneath our skin theres so much stuff.thinking strange again.going to pick some stuff up tomorow from a friend.thought i was going to stay over his house that day too but i guess not.i figured since i would already be in salem id try to make plans with some people.asked heff and amy.heff just told me all the if this person is here then i will do this and that stuff and if theyre not ill do something with this person.asked amy after lunch and i guess i was all exited and was talking way to fast for her.so i called her later in the day and ill know tomrow what is going on.we shall see.thats pretty much it for my first entry.so yeah...ima go to bed now and dream my usual messed up dreams.my stomach hurts. ill see you all later.bye
walking....thinking...living [04 Dec 2002|10:45pm]
today had its ups and downs.school was shit as usual.after school was interesting though.walk/ran to brooks with R--- and got some cough syrup.they made us leave our bags in the front of the store.felt kind of strange and untrusting and stuff but i guess its just a new thing since i live in the sticks.yeah anyways on the way back i saved us a shitload of time by cutting across the woodbury.he complimented me on it and it made me feel pretty good,despite the fact that i was sweaty and cold at the same time.oh yeah...on the way there he asked me a question that im still thinking about. he asked something to the effect of 'why do you wear what you wear?'and i paused for a minute.why do i wear the clothes that i do? why do i have long hair? so i said the only thing i could really think of besides the regular 'theyre me' or 'becuase im diffrent' and i went deeper. i said 'becuase i want to wear something that makes me look intelligent.' what the fuck? he said they really dont and they stereo type me into the whole 'pity me ima cut myself look!!' type people.i assured them it was just certain immature types that stick out and be a wrongful representative of the freak community, not that i consider myself a part of it, but yeah.it just made me think of myself in a diffrent light, which im always grateful when that happenes.i love to look at things diffrently and how alien they seem.anyway R--- dropped me off at US Gas around 3 45 and i waited around for a while then walked to wendys becuase there was no place to sit.i got to wendys and realized how cold and wet i really was.pretty sucky.no phone at wendys so i left to Wal-Mart and used the phone there to try to call amy to see if we were gunna hang out.got an answering machine on her cell and told her not to pick me up.really hope she got the message.id feel wicked bad if she went to US Gas and was like 'where the fuck is he?'after i left the message i call my sister and told her to have my parents pick me up at wendys.walked back to wendys and then waited for like 2 1/2 hrs and jason came there so we hung out for another hour and my parents and i told my mom that i was wet and would get a ride from jason since i would have to wait another hour if i went with my mom.all in all jason and i go back to his house and we had to make his mom believe that there was some miscommunication with my sister so theyd give me a ride home.so i get home,change and come on here to type this epic of an entry.not that anyone would actually read it but whatever.i hold out my insides its your choice whether u take them or not.my sister wants this computer now.dont overdose on drugs. i havent said goodbye to you yet.
'Today was a good day' - Ice Cube [06 Dec 2002|10:39pm]
toady was one of my better days.basically just becuase of lunch.it was total anarchy.food fight at our table.snow fight at our table.steve H standing on the table yelling 'where have all the fritos gone?!?'awsome stuff...the rest of the day was average but that lunch made my week.i really needed that.after school i talked to ted for a while which was good becuase i havent talked to him in a long time.alot of interesting stuff has happened since feshman year.for those of you who dont know, i used to hang out with ted,steve F,amy M,heff and others for the first semester freshman year and then i left for reasons id like to keep to myself.not that its a big secret or anything just that im having a good day so far and i dont want to dig myself a hole that wasnt planned for today.you can ask me if u dont know what im talking about and you really want to know.anyway...after ileft school i went to jasons house for a while and got back at around 8 30.fun stuff.he bosses his mom around pretty bad though.he says she deserves it for some reason.oh well...i still feel bad for her though.kind of reminds me of a certain someone thats a complete asshole.thats all jason and him have in common,mommy bossing.
Anthony and Ted's Exellent Adventure. [08 Dec 2002|09:03pm]
yesterday was quite a day.quite a day indeed.what i was supposed to do that day: wake up...go to heffs and get driven to liz's house...do project...go home...sleep.now this is the story of that really happened:i got up.slept well...no dreams as usual.blah.take a shower.heat ran out again.(i like long showers gaddamn it) try to get a hold of heff..i call 3 times and no one picks up.so i tell my mom to just go cuz she was on her way out to do other things as well as drive me to heffs.she tells me to call again so i did and got heffs mom(?) awnsers and says shes over jens.so im all oh well.no project today.i can skip right to bed time.my mom says to call jens so i did.jen awnsered and i asked for heff.something about shes not there and shaving armpits.i dont know either.shes there though.i hear her in the backround and jen gives her the phone and she says come over to jens.gives the phone to steve and he tells me the adress and i get off and go onto map quest.wonderful tool that map quest is.anyway i leave and im off to jens.everytime i go to jens i get lost.wasnt as bad as last time but lost i got.anyway as im walking in 10 minutes late (btw im in a mood at this point) jen was like stay on the mat...why didnt you just go over to liz's house?...i stap off the mat and get snow on the floor and jen yells at me again.i get urrged.yes,urrged and i (keep in mind, im in a mood and weve all been bitchy sometime in our life and done stuff that we really dont mean) give her the finger as shes walking away.heff was like that wasnt very nice and oh....look whos in the living room.her parents looking at me wierd.wow...i love myself...*BANG!!* so i give heff her report that i typed up and she says i rock so that makes things better for a while.anyway we get to liz's house and i do fine in there.get to hear some gossip while typing.fun fun.so after im done typing for an hour the infamous 'illegal operation' guy pops up and turns all my precious time to shit.oh well.after we all decide her comp is fucked we watch mr deeds for a while...cool movie.then we eat.liz and i have rice and heff has mac and cheese.we all then go to teds house.this is where things pick up. we get to ted and i go in his room.fucking best room ever.black walls...red lites along the top edges of the walls....strobe lights...black lights...swords knives EVERYTHING.anyway i go in and theres ted steve F and sweeny in there.i later found out ryan T was sleeping on the couch in the living room.they were all baked.playing racing games.you know how it goes.i sit there watching for a while then steves like who wants to go outside with me..sweeny and i go with him.ted lives on a lake and steve was breaking the ice by standing on it.sweeny makes fun of steve and steve pushes him in the snow and he gets snow in his ass..lol.we all then draw the conclusion thats its pretty damn cold out here and we start to go up to the house and ryan comes out.were all like hey and he pisses in the lake.then we all go back inside.sit around for a bit again and im pretty sure it was steve that brought up going to taco bell.anyway its me steve sweeny and ryan going to taco bell.steve asks ryan if he could drive out of teds road and ryan lets him...on the way out a bunny ran across the road.steve avoided it but regrets it deeply.next time you see him tell him he shoulda hit the bunny.so steve is done driving....sweeny drives for a bit to his house and then ryan takes over.oh my fucking god i was in grand theft auto.burn outs spin outs evrything driving too fast...u name it we did it.so we get sweeny after he gets the money and were off to taco bell.on the way there were driving down this wierd straight away and ryan floors it.almost was airborne after we hit a bump.wow....just wow.we get to taco bell and i was the outcast..they were all irish while i was italian.they all had leather coasts and i didnt.oh well.heh heh.we get our food..i see someone i know and we all go talk to her for a bit then we go to radio hack and i couldnt find 9v battery hook ups so i got this freezing shit instead...like an aresol can with liquid nitrogen or something.ryan was gunna fight some kid but he left before we could reach him.after that we leave and we go into the rockingham horse racing parking lot and do some awesome spin outs in the snow and ice...snow everywhere..i actually felt the car rise a little off the ground.so we have our thrill in there and leave that place.we stop at some place and ryan got cigars and some cigarettes.after that we get on the road and tailgate someone.not 3 ft away like fuckin a foot away.he taps his breaks so we slow down and he goes faster.ryan gets pissed and speeds on the other side of the road to pass him...we see a car coming.we just make it over the line again after the car hits us.when i was looking into the headlights i was thinking...this is the last thing some people see.i thought it was intersting.so after all that we get back to teds.we share the story and it was fun.we brak out the cigars and bake the room for a while i take puff.not for me.so after the room is fogged enough the strobe lights go on and it was all freaky.we played catch with an empty bottle...more like we played miss than catch but yeah.steve made the fan look like it stopped.great stuff.sweeny gets out the video camera and steve and i were headbanging and everyone said it looked awesome.cool shit there.then we turn off the strobes and steve h and jen come.we start playing with the freeze shit and we froze my hair and little knives and sweenys shoe and steve f's ass got sprayed a shit load of times.something about flammablity was read and we all were outside trying to make some fire but it didnt work.then jen,steve h, heff and i left.on the way to steve h's heff changed her shirt and she says to me that i should turn cuz i might not wanna see her change her shirt.i wonder why she said that.i mean, i DID go out with her for a while.so its not like im gunna cringe when she changes her shirt....oh well. so i get dropped off at my house so i can gather my stuff bacause i was going to sleep over steves that night. after i gather my crap i walk to his house and watched Anestasia with jen and heff and steve for a bit until 11 cuz they had to leave.once they left steve and i set up in the basement.i was gunna sleep on the couch and steve was gunna sleep on the floor.so were set up and we watch the last half of lord of the rings.while it was playing steve grabbed a keystone and he said it was wicked bitter....no wonder it expired like 3 months ago.he was buzzed before he finished it so i dunno.he felt like crap after though.i was gunna go on a robotrip but the vicks 44 was nasty so i took this adhd pill i had instead.steve passed out soon after i took that and i started playing ace combat 4.i love that game.so i play for about 1.5 - 2 hours and i decide i should get to bed...this was around 2am.i lie there and get comfy and shit.2:30 my fingers and elbows feel weird.then it leaves just as soon as it same so im like dammnit wasnt the shit i had.around 2:45 my hand goes numb.ive givin up on the pill so i just figure my had is in a funky position.i move it and its still numb.my other hand goes numb too.hmm i raise boulth my hands for a bit any theyre still numb.then i realize its working.YaY! it wasnt a dud!the numb goes up to my upper arm shoulders area.kinda felt like i was wearing elastic bands on my arms.i got kinda worried for a bit that my heart would go numb but im like naw...its perescription.they wouldnt perscribe medicine that would kill people.so i just relax and think of happy things. being with people that id like to be closer to.if i thought to myself...if i die, i wont die alone.becuase i didnt feel alone.it felt like all the people ive ever been close were right there holding me and shit.maybey it was a high or something it was just extremly comforting to be in that mind state.i stayed in that state for about 4-5 hours.eyes closed but consious.had the chours from eminem - hallies song stuck in my heads the whole time too.staring to get light out.theres a diffrence betweens eyes open and closed now.around 7 am steve starts to move like hes awake.i make a siganal by scrathing my jacket a couple times and he moves his head up and i sat up.by this point im feeling great.unbelievably good.at peace with everything.the light the wind the trees.i even loved the restriction of solid matter like tables and chairs and stuff.i hope eveyone can have a feeling like that sometime in their life.i tell steve about my night and he thought it was cool and he said he was feeling better and he wants to drink dead beer more often.he also said that he prolly wasnt going to go back asleep.15 minutes later hes passed out again..lol an hour later his brothers come down and torture me with the hampsters and steve and i get out of bed at like 9- 10 ish..have breakfast...play more ace combat 4.go on his comp for a bit...thats pretty much all...came back home around two....played steve in red alert 2 around 6:30ish.i won.that was basically it.my weekend..hey, ive been up since saturday morning and im just getting tired now.cool.
correction [08 Dec 2002|10:28pm]
when ryan was driving on the wrong side of the road we didnt hit the car.i typed it wrong.we just missed it.yeah
blah [10 Dec 2002|10:57pm]
stayed home today.stomach felt funny yesterday and i passed out while eating dinner.slept all ngiht after that.woke up and i couldnt figure out whener it was 6 am or pm.so at 6:30 jim came in to see how i was feeling.i was like woah it 6:30 am and they kept me out.it was boring though.downloaded a program for one of my games that was like 32 megs and took like an hour and a half.didnt work though. should of figured.oh well.the rest of the day was boring as well...trying to make my futon a couch.its broken so it was hard.cleaned out under my bed.that was like 3 trash bags full.im not even finished.that was my day.yep....blah
'tired of fighting...' [11 Dec 2002|09:33pm]
Lost CauseYour sorry eyes cut through the boneThey make it hard to leave you aloneLeave you here wearing your woundsWaving your guns at somebody newBaby you're lostBaby you're lostBaby you're a lost causeThere's too many people you used to knowThey see you coming they see you goThey know your secrets and you know theirsThis town is crazy; nobody caresBaby you're lostBaby you're lostBaby you're a lost causeI'm tired of fightingI'm tired of fightingFighting for a lost causeThere's a place where you are goingYou ain't never been beforeNo one left to watch your back nowNo one standing at your doorThat's what you thought love was forBaby you're lostBaby you're lostBaby you're a lost causeI'm tired of fightingI'm tired of fightingFighting for a lost cause
seeing things in a diffrent light [12 Dec 2002|08:55pm]
stayed home today.so did my sister so i couldnt go online to pass the time so i cleaned my room some more.vacumed so its all nice and clean.so after i vacumed i decided to watch some good ole' tv in my clean room. watched about how bush is just about forcing us into war with iraq.i know alot of people are going to be all 'what the fuck are you talking about?!?' but i really dont see anything iraq is doing to provoke a real war.i mean...all i read and hear about is us poking and prodding and surrounding and forcing countries to comply with us or theyll be the enemy.sometimes it just seems like were the terrorists.i mean how many other countries have embassys all over the world?what are these embassys for anyway?if theyre like a dean's office then i can see why there being blown up and thats what im starting to think.....anyway after watching bushs war chant i turned to nicktoons tv.sounds lame but it was pretty cool.saw 2 back episodes of ren and stimpy and then kablam.thats right action league now and prometheus & bob.after watching that for a while i started flipping around again and found night of the living dead.1969 version.watch a classic?hell yes i did.then i had dinner.cube steak and fries.yum.in the mood for something exotic though like ostrige eggs or sea urchins or liver.something like that.oh well.steak did ok.listened to music for a while after that...then my sister left so im on this now.thats my day so far.if something intersting happens in the about 2 hours left of my day i will post it.
Love [13 Dec 2002|07:26pm]
this entry is about love.a love so great that i had to eat my love.all five of them.my parents and sister left earlier cuz my parents have bowling and my sister had a school dance.so i was going to alone for a while.around 6 30 i started to get hungry.so i decided to make myself dinner.hmmm...what to have...hmm....eggs!egg sandwich?no...have them too often.hard boiled egg?no....takes too long.egg salad?i dont know how to make egg salad!!!!scrambled eggs?yessss....scrambled eggs indeed.so i made scrambled eggs.2 eggs.when they were done i sprinkled salt and pepper on them.ate a bite and wow.it was great.like holy-shit-this-is-good wow.like did-I-actually-make-that? wow.i fisished it and was in awe.i knew i had to make more.so i fetched the spatual from the sink and wiped it off.(there was no more clean spatulas what could i do?cancel the next instalment of eggy goodness cuz there were no clean spatulas?i dont think so...)decided to bring it up a notch i made 3,yes three eggs intead of two eggs.took a lil bit longer to cook but the wait was still worth it.still great.it wasnt a one time thing!horay!so i found out something tonight.the greatest thing youll ever learn is to make eggs and have them tase good in return.